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We're willing to wager that all the guys who didn't bother to read Fifty Shades of Grey will have no problem standing in line for the film. Let's face it: Compressing Anastasia and Christian's freaky antics into a visual sexiest will hold male attention far longer than mere words on s. Think she'll run screaming? Not so fast. A University of Saskatchewan study found that women are quite similar to men when defining what's normal or acceptable in bed. Plus, dabbling in kink can provide a host of bonding benefits. So throw on some leather and enjoy the ride.

You can't just show up in the bedroom with a ball gag and chains, or you might find out the hard way that she's a member of the "Fifty Shades of No Way! Start by recalling the phenomenon created by the books. This can give you a sense of whether the idea of submission and dominance—which is the foundation of most BDSM experiences—leaves her repulsed, indifferent, or intrigued.

Some experts say she will probably be intrigued because humans are hardwired to have a biological "opinion" on the matter. See how to master your dirty talk here. So what do you do with that intel? Unpack it a bit. Lists are available on BDSM websites, or you can take a look—together—at the list on this .

Barker cites a University of New Brunswick study revealing that after 15 years together, couples knew only about 62 percent of what their partner liked in bed, and 26 percent of what their partner disliked. Whether you end up getting kinky or not, you should both find this exercise enlightening and empowering. There's just a bit more communicating to do first. Sprott advises establishing the scope of activity your partner is up for, deciding who will start out in the dominant role, and then selecting a "safe word" that will halt the action.

Simply saying "no" or "stop" or "that hurts" isn't recommended, since they can be part of the fantasy. Opt for something with zero sexual relevance—such as a place or a type of food. Now you're ready. If you've ever massaged, bitten, or scratched each other, you've already dipped your toe into the most basic type of kink—sensation play.

Being the target of someone else's actions allows the recipient to relinquish control and enjoy the sensations. Start with a blindfold or sleep mask, which can help you each embrace the submissive role; after all, you can't really take control if you can't see. After you plunge her into darkness, graze your fingers or a feather over her inner thighs, the nape of her neck, and the inner part of her forearms, Sprott says. Don't touch her at all for 15 or 20 seconds at a time in between; this makes her anticipate where the next sensation will take place. It looks like a tiny pizza cutter—with spikes.

A little pain from this guy can equal a lot of pleasure. Bare buttocks simply scream to be spanked, but if either of you swings too hard your first time at bat, the move may be summarily ejected from your kink repertoire. That'd be a pity, because spanking can hurt so good. She may balk at first, so ease into it. Janet Hardy, coauthor of The Ethical Slut , recommends starting gently with your open hand, which offers a wide range of sensations, has a built-in feedback mechanism, and feels more intimate than implements. Don't assume you can just spank her during intercourse and that's enough to turn her on.

You'll add to the spanking experience if you actually have her over your knee. If she's enjoying the experience, her breathing should sound smooth and sexy and her butt should be pushing up toward the spanker's hand instead of flinching. Next, tie the knot, so to speak. Some people want to be tied up so they can feel controlled.

Some enjoy being teased and denied. The appeal for the dominant player, of course, is being in control. Just don't try gleaning any tips about tie-ups from Fifty Shades —it's full of dubious practices that make BDSM pros wince. Some other bad ideas: leaving your partner alone while bound, tying her up in a way that restricts circulation, or putting something over her nose and mouth and obstructing her breathing.

Don't do those things. Instead, start out by loosely tying her wrists, and maybe her ankles, with something that won't be abrasive to her skin, such as silk scarves or ties, and watch that they don't become too tight. There are fleece-lined wrist cuffs that attach with buckles , bondage tape, over-the-door suspension cuffs, or under-the-bed restraints that can be employed when the mood strikes. All of these items can be purchased at no scarier a place than Amazon. Once you've explored tying or being tied up and liked it, you might want to try spreader bars—bondage equipment that enables you to both restrain and raunchily position your partner in a way that gives you unfettered access to, well, whatever you'd like.

Role playing is a great kink-starter as well. But unless you were a drama major, pretending to be someone else is going to make you feel silly and require you to suspend your disbelief. That can be tough, but not as tough as you might think. Skip the elaborate script and period garb and make it easy on yourself. For instance, you could arrange to meet at a nightclub that neither of you has been to before, Herbenick suggests. Arrive in clothes you haven't seen on each other, and after some fleeting eye contact, start chatting as if you were perfect strangers just starting to flirt with each other.

From there you can take it in any direction you want. Perhaps one of you can play hard to get while the other portrays the wolfish seducer. You can be an entirely different person, exaggerate a specific facet of your actual personality, or just reconnect with the feeling of meeting your partner for the first time. ACT UP: If after tinkering with different scenarios you find that you like role play, try one in which the dominant and submissive parts are explicit. Pick a card and be someone else for an hour or two—or forever, for that matter. After all, maybe the real, kinkier you has been aching to get out!

United States. Type keyword s to search. Today's Top Stories. Test the Waters You can't just show up in the bedroom with a ball gag and chains, or you might find out the hard way that she's a member of the "Fifty Shades of No Way! Give Her a Tickle If you've ever massaged, bitten, or scratched each other, you've already dipped your toe into the most basic type of kink—sensation play. Crank the Spank Bare buttocks simply scream to be spanked, but if either of you swings too hard your first time at bat, the move may be summarily ejected from your kink repertoire.

Restrain Yourselves Next, tie the knot, so to speak. Put On an Act Role playing is a great kink-starter as well. This content is created and maintained by a third party, and imported onto this to help users provide their addresses. You may be able to find more information about this and similar content at piano. Advertisement - Continue Reading Below.

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